+40
~ Californians shiver uncontrollably
~ Minnesotans sunbath
+35
~ Italian cars don't start
+32
~ Distilled water freezes
+30
~ You can see your breath
~ You plan a vacation in Florida
~ Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
~ Minnesotans eat ice cream
+25
~ Boston water freezes
~ Californians weep pitiably
~ Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
+20
~ Cleveland water freezes
~ San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
~ Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
+15
~ You plan a vacation in CANCUN!!!!!
~ Minnesotans go swimmng
+10
~ Too cold to snow
~ You need jumper cables to get the car going
0
~ New York landlords turn on the heat
-5
~ You can hear your breath
~ You plan a vacation in Hawaii
-10
~ American cars don't start
~ Too cold to skate
-15
~ You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
~ Miamians cease to exist
~ Minnesotans lick flagpoles
-20
~ Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
~ People in LaCrosse think about taking doen screens
-25
~ Too cold to kiss
~ You need jumper cables to get the driver going
~ Japanese cars won't start
~ Minnesota Twins head for spring training
-30
~ You plan a two-week hot bath
~ Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
-38
~ Mercury freezes
~ Too cold to think
~ Minnesotans button top button
-40
~ Californians disappear
~ Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
~ Minnesotans put on sweeters
-50
~ Congressional hot air freezes
~ Alaskans close the bathroom window
~ Green Bay Packers practice indoors
-60
~ Walrusses abandon the Aleutians
~ Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
~ Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
-70
~ Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
~ Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race in Buffalo, WI
-80
~ Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
~ Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
-90
~ Lawyers Chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
~ Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer
-100
~ Santa Claus abandons North Pole
~ Minnesotans pull down earflaps
-173
~ Ethyl alcohol freezes
-445
~ Superconductivity
-452
~ Helium becomes a liquid
-454
~ Hell freezes over
-456
~ Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
-458
~ Incumbant polotician renounces a campaign contribution
-460 (Absolute Zero)
~ All atomic motion ceases
~ Minnesotans agree as to how it's getting a "mite mippy"